Over lunch not long ago with a group of single men, they began asking what they should be praying for and looking for in a possible wife. Over the course of our meal, much of our discussion focused on the following questions.
1) Are you overlooking good women?
Examples include single mothers, widows, shy women, and those divorced on biblical grounds. Sometimes a woman’s character is so sanctified and shaped through hardship that she is, in fact, more prepared than the average woman to be a devoted, faithful, resilient, and thankful wife.
2) Do you enjoy her?
Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun.” Much of your life will be spent working your job, cutting your grass, paying your bills, and washing your dishes. But if you have a wife you enjoy, life is better. I praise God that I enjoy my wife. I enjoy being at home with her, I enjoy traveling with her, and more than anyone else she is the friend with whom I enjoy having fun. This one fact has made my life satisfying.
3) Does she respect you?
Since the Bible calls you to humbly, lovingly, and sacrificially lead your family, you need to have a wife who walk with you and trust you. This means she agrees with your theology, trusts your decision-making, appreciates the other men you surround yourself with for counsel, and also respects the way you seek her input and invite her counsel as you make decisions. If she does not naturally trust your leadership, you can be sure that if you marry, there will be frequent conflict.
4) Does she have noble character?
Proverbs 31:10-31 extols a woman of noble character. Is she a woman whom you want your daughters to be like (because they will be)? Is she the kind of woman you want your sons to marry (because they will)? Would you consider yourself honored to be with her because of how she speaks, carries herself, prays, worships God, makes decisions, serves others, works, and interacts with other men?
5) As you stand back and objectively consider her, is she like any of the women that Proverbs warns against?
Is she a nagging woman, likened to a dripping faucet (Prov. 27:15) ? Is she a loud and overbearing woman who would be exhausting at home and embarrassing in public (Prov. 7:11; 9:13)? Is she the kind of temperamental and quarrelsome woman that makes it better for you to camp on the roof alone than share a home with her (Prov. 21:9; 25:24)? Is she a gossip (Prov. 11:13; 16:28)? Is she an unfaithful woman prone to flirt with other men and likely to be an adulteress (Prov. 2:16–19; 5; 7; 11:22.)? Is she disgraceful (Prov. 12:4)?
For the single men, you need to not turn biblical wisdom for decision-making into a legal case by which to try every woman you meet. Everyone, including you, has faults, flaws, and is a work in progress. However, because who we marry is the second most important decision we ever make (following who our God is), we must be prayerful, careful, and biblical in our decision. And, inviting in godly older people with wisdom to help us make this decision is also crucial.