5 Keys to a romantic relationship

In this sermon, Pastor Mark preaches on 5 keys to a romantic relationship based on Song of Songs 1:1-7.



5 Keys to a Romantic Relationship: Song of Songs 1:1-7

  • King Solomon & Abbi married yrs, looking back

From friendship to romantic relationship (PHOTO)

-1988 age 17               -Grace’s friend                        -corded phone talk 3 hours

-March 12, 88              -56 Chevy (cover book)          – drove around cul de sac nervous

-Red Robin waterfront – bonfire beach                      -jewelry box

5 Keys to ours, SOS, & your Romantic Realtionships

Key #1: The Genesis of Marriage

Genesis 2:18-24 the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”…the Lord God had formed every beast…and every bird…and brought them to the man…The man gave names to all livestock….birds…and every beast…But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him…the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

1st wedding – God Father & Pastor

1.    Solomon & Abbi – Jewish, fully taught marriage according to Genesis 1-2

2.    Perfect divine design (quoted by Jesus & Paul NT; perfect = no updates!)

3.    Repair shows (cars, homes) = remove the bad added work & return to original

Key #2: Covenant vs Contract

Proverbs 2:16-17 “the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God…”

Malachi 2:14 “the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”

  • Solomon & Abbi fully aware of Covenant in Bible (100’s times)

love, lovingkindness, mercy, steadfast love, loyal love, devotion, commitment, reliability

-Uncle John & Glady’s wedding night talk

Contract                                   vs                                 Covenant

Between 2 people                                                        Between 3 people (God, husband, wife)

I seek my will                                                               We seek God’s will

You serve me                                                               We serve each other

Performance is recorded                                              No record of wrongs is kept

Failure is punished                                                       Failure was punished at the cross

Win-lose                                                                       Win-win

A professional relationship                                           A personal relationship

-Covenant head Ephesians 5:23 “the husband is the head”

-Stupidest thing I’ve told Grace

Key #3: Liberating the Ladies

Song of Songs 1:1 Solomon’s Song of Songs. [She] Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.  3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the young women love you! 4 Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers…How right they are to adore you! 5 Dark am I, yet lovely, daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. 6 Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect.

  • Solomon – 3005 proverbs, 1005 songs, 3 books Bible (Prov, Eccl, SOS)
  • Song of Songs like “King of Kings” & “Lord of Lords” – best of the best

Liberating the Ladies (3000 yrs ago conservative religious context)

  1. She speaks first, most, flirts
  2. She invites kisses (burns 2 calories; boosts immune system)
  3. Character “your name is like perfume poured out”; “women love you” safety/security
  4. Grooming (“mouth”; “fragrance”) – ears/nose; soap/water
  5. Her insecurities (Cinderella of OT)
  • Mom & bro’s. No dad?. Single parent? She’s working outside (pale vs tan)?
  • Standard of beauty vs spouse. (Job 31:1 “only have eyes”) = COMPLIMENTS

=Men do not understand this self-awareness (gym locker room)

Key #4: Healthy Family and Friends

Song of Songs 1:4 [She] Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. [Friends] We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine.

Good guy – knows/loves people who know & love woman (safely enters her world)

Bad guy – isolates woman from people who know & love her (dangerously removes her)

NO: vent whoever in front, immediate family, betraying privacy, online

YES: Wise Counsel – mutually agreed upon, godly safe confidential = Church Family

Key #5: Protecting Priorities

Song of Songs 1:7 [She] Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?

Myth: romance is effortless w/soul mate

Fact: you have to protect your priorities (Wedding-War)

Solomon – busy “shepherding” nation as King

Abbi – wanting to see him w/o acting immoral, intentional priorities. 1:4 “take me away”

WE – started broke, ministry, 5 kids, extended family, travel/writing/speaking media

1).Shared calendar     2).Weekly “sync” meeting” life/dates/fun        3).Vision Retreat

Protecting Priorities

  1. Healthy relationship with God as a Christian
  2. Healthy relationship with each other as a married couple
  3. Healthy relationship with each of our children as parents
  4. Healthy work-life balance as employees at work
  5. Healthy relationship with extended family members and close, Christian friends

Law of Priority & Law of Jealousy. Kids are the glue. Over-parent. Demand grandkids.

Your Parents?           Your Life?      Your 1st priority?

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Mark Driscoll

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