How to Heal a Broken Relationship: Song of Songs 6:2-10 (Real Romance Ch 6)
· Big fight -He came home late, she rejected him, punished him, locked bedroom door
· He walked away.
Someone Needs to Go First
Song of Songs 6:2-3 [She] My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies.
- She rejected him. Now she pursues him.
Good Endings Make for New Beginnings
Song of Songs 6:4-10 [He] You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling, as lovely as Jerusalem, as majestic as troops with banners. Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing. Each has its twin, not one of them is missing. Your temples behind your veil are like the halves of a pomegranate. Sixty queens there may be, and eighty concubines, and virgins beyond number; but my dove, my perfect one, is unique, the only daughter of her mother, the favorite of the one who bore her. The young women saw her and called her blessed; the queens and concubines praised her. [Friends] Who is this that appears like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, majestic as the stars in procession?
- Cities may be favorites & Tizrah is beautiful (1 Ki. 16), & Jerusalem (Ps. 50:2)
- “beautiful” “lovely” “majestic” “perfect” “unique” “favorite” “blessed” “praised”
- = eyes, hair, teeth, face
- Repeats comments from their dating & honeymoon
= I still love you, my heart has not changed
- Friends: Back together again, back to normal, reconciled
Face to Face = “attachment theory” – I cannot feel attached to unless I believe you love/safe
Connect before You Correct (nonverbal communication) = KIDS
Brain Science – 2 parts brain
- ? Feeling emotional, anxious, hurt, unsafe, hurt = more reactive & overreactive brain ½
- ? Calmed down, less emotional, more clear-minded = more reasonable brain ½
E.G. ½ brain is more like a teenager, the other more like an adult
Paul = “renewing our minds” & “taking every thought captive” = moving to ½ brain
Forgiven People Should be Forgiving People
Luke 11:4 [The Lord’s Prayer] forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
Luke 23:34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
Colossians 3:12–14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
=Jesus was crucified for His “marriage”. You will be crucified a little bit for your marriage.
Every relationship has conflict. Honeymoon Oregon Coast Yrs later “I’m not your enemy”
Is there sin, or something else?
Colossians 3:13 (NLT) Make allowance for each other’s faults…
Proverbs 19:11 (ESV) Good sense makes one slow to anger, and…to overlook an offense
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not…irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
vs quirks, control issues, selfishness, mistakes
Proverbs 20:9 (NIV) Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin”?
Romans 3:23 (ESV)_all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…
- Thought; Word; Deed; Motive
- Omission. Commission.
- Total Depravity – mind, will, emotions
Is there bitterness?
Hebrews 12:15–16 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy
Hurt. Disappointment. Wound. Grudge. Beef. Ax to grind. Resentment. Brokenness. Offense
=ME. Archaeologist. 1). Dig up past 2). Dig up root bitterness
Repentance + Forgiveness = Healthy Relationship
-Canoe analogy – same boat, both row
Oar #1: Forgiveness
Overcoming the sin to be healthy
Accepting their repentance
Releasing them from punishment
- Not ignoring
- Not trusting
- Not religious = weaponize forgiveness. Earned @ finish line. Not grace @ starting line
- Blessing is the test of forgiveness
Oar #2: Repentance
Owning your sin
Apologizing to God and them
Reversing your sin and future
- Not worldly sorrow
- Not partial confession
- Not general but specific
- Not blame-shifting/excuse making/victimhood
You bless yourself when you bless them
Stanford University, Frederic Luskin = Forgiveness Project, Forgive for Good
-Physically. -Mentally. -Emotionally. -Relationally. -Practically
You need more Heaven & less Hell in your life