How do you raise kids you enjoy?
1st day of school – this year vs little years
Overheard a conversation
- Parent #1 “I’m so glad summer is over. I hate having the kids around all the time”
- Parent #2 “Really, I love having the kids around all the time and get sad when school starts”
The goal is not to endure your child, but enjoy your child
Psalm 127:3 [NASB] Behold, children are a gift of the Lord
- Gifts are to be enjoyed
Proverbs: “Want to” vs “How to”
- Proverbs is Practical
- Proverbs is Pithy – 31 chapters, 1X day
- Proverbs is Principles not Promises
Wisdom vs Folly
law/grace oppression/deliverance truth/lies;
- Smart people get good grades, wise people live good lives
- Wisdom is the path to Spirit-filled living
Find the Center of Your Family
Proverbs 1:2-7 [NLT] Their [Proverbs] purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, to help them understand the insights of the wise. Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young. Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
School/Grades Sports/Winning Making $/Work Fear/Control Crisis/Emergency Comfort/Left alone
- Center – God (God 1st)
- Priority – school of wisdom (every parent homeschools)
- Knowledge is knowing the truth, wisdom is knowing what to do with the truth.
- Knowledge it theoretical, wisdom is practical.
- Knowledge fills your mind, wisdom guides your life.
- Knowledge is truthful, wisdom is useful.
- Knowledge provides information, wisdom provides transformation.
= You can have knowledge without wisdom, but you cannot have wisdom without knowledge.
Learn the Heart of Parenting
Proverbs 4:23 [NIV] Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
- 900+ X Bible – Emotional center
- Cause/heart – Effect/behavior
- How’s your heart (speech flows heart – cursing, yelling, name calling, selfish motives)
- God needs to parent your heart before you parent their heart
· Needs a new heart to be cared for
India further downstream = more pollution
4 Kinds of Kids
1. Bad heart bad behavior
2. Bad heart good behavior
3. Good heart bad behavior
4. Good heart good behavior
Tips for Training
Proverbs 22:6 [ESV] Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
- Parents are primary
- Every child is trained. Not every child is trained in wisdom
- Parenting is about sowing and reaping
- Repetition is required
- Mom and dad unified vision
- Training can be exhausting because class is always in session (tv/movie pause)
- View, Voice, Vote (AZ move vs restaurant)
- Teach kids what is happening and why (flight prep)
Connect Before You Correct
Proverbs 4:1-5 [ESV] Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth.
- I love you with God’s love
- I want a good long life for you
- I am the first person in line who is for you
Emphasize Delight Over Discipline
Proverbs 3:11-12 [NIV] My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
Love & Like: Goal is to enjoy life with your child, make memories, have fun
- Love and Like each other
- Constantly working toward having fun & making memories
- Occasionally correcting to get back to the goal of delight
- Discipline is not to control but to teach them self-control
Capture and revisit the good times
Parenting is Seasonal
Proverbs 31:28 [ESV] Her children rise up and call her blessed
Proverbs 17:6 [NLT] Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children.
1. Conception to birth – preparing your heart & home (car seat, birthing classes, nutrition)
2. Baby (birth to 18 months) – feeding and nurturing so the child develops (emotional bond, comforting touch, feeding, investing body/soul/mind, touching everything & tactile learning)
3. Toddler (18 mos to 3 yrs) – informal training (“no”, emotional regulation, rules, part of a group, delayed gratification, chores, form preferences, reading to)
4. Preschooler (3-6 yrs) – consistent training during busy years (reading with, formal learning, “why”, playing, socializing, crafts, playing outside “dirt therapy”)
5. School age (6-12 years) – character and identity formation (growing independence, parents not always present, interest exploration, friend groups form, style)
6. Teens (13-18) – transition (identity, puberty, moodiness, their world, test boundaries)
7. Young adults (19+) – cultivating responsible independence (bills, job, self govern)
8. Adults – lifting burdens and being wise counsel