How do you emotionally heal from a hurt?
The Hurt Cycle
- Life hurts. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically etc.
- We experience hurt – then we…
- Interpret why it happened
- Our response
1). Evil- justify hurting others out of your hurt
2), Foolish – ignore, blame shift, excuse make, deferred life maintenance until pain
3). Wise – seeks God and wise counsel to interpret the root cause & solution
- Wise counsel listens to hurt person 1.What happened? 2. Why? 3. How responding?
- You know you’ve hit a hurt when someone overreacts
- Wisdom is knowing which truth applies to each person/situation
- We worsen hurt when we give the wrong prescription
1. Is your hurt caused by your sin?
Proverbs 20:9 [NIV] Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin”?
- We all fail and fall so we need to be willing to not just feel hurt but consider why
- Wisdom requires we seek patterns to our behavior
Proverbs 19:3 [ESV] When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord.
- Sometimes we are angry at God and feel justified in bad behavior
- Until the heart has the “want to” there is no benefit from the “how to”
Proverbs 14:16 [ESV] One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless.
- Solution: Repentance is turning away from evil, change of 1. head 2. heart 3. hands
2. Did someone sin against you and hurt you?
Proverbs 14:10 [ESV] The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.
- Torment moves into a bitter heart
- Unforgiveness robs life of all joy
- Relive & Retell
Proverbs 23:17 [ESV] Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
· Temptation to return evil for evil (vengeance, self-justify)
Proverbs 24:17 [ESV] Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles…
· Test of forgiveness is whether you want them to be blessed or cursed
What forgiveness is not
- Forgiveness is often a private matter between only you and God.
- Forgiveness is both a one-time event and an ongoing process. (Matt 18:21-22 70X7)
- Forgiveness is not enabling crime, foolishness, irresponsibility, or sin.
- Forgiveness is not trust or reconciliation.
- Your forgiveness is not God’s forgiveness. (cross or hell)
1. Responding to Jesus instead of the hurt (forgiven people should forgive people)
2. Transferring the burden to God
3. Stopping trying to control people and outcomes
4. Letting go of both the sin and the stress
3. What powerful lies are you believing?
Proverbs 14:25 [ESV] A truthful witness saves lives, but one who breathes out lies is deceitful.
· Life decisions are based upon truth/reality; or lies/deception
Proverbs 12:17 [ESV] Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit.
· When hurt, Satan and people working for him show up to give false witness
· Wisely choose who you listen to & learn from
· You are the loudest voice in your life
4. What foolish choices have made your life harder?
Proverbs 14:14 [ESV] The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways, and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his ways.
- Sliding back to foolish choices
Proverbs 23:23 [NLT] Get the truth and never sell it; also get wisdom, discipline, and good judgment.
- Principle of sowing-reaping
- Principles of delayed gratification
5. How has life broken you?
Proverbs 15:13 [ESV] A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.
Proverbs 17:22 [NLT] A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.
- Bad people & broken people can be hard to distinguish
2 kinds of brokenness 1). Hopeless – not taken to God to remake 2). Hopeful – God rebuilds
= Reset and rehabilitate – body or soul
6. Do you feel guilty, dirty, or undeserving?
Proverbs 30:12 [ESV] There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth.
- Bible uses dozen words – defilement, unclean, filth,
- Causes shame, hiding, fig leaves to cover up
Identity based on 1). What I have done 2). What done to me 3). What done for me JC
7. Who or what do you fear?
Proverbs 12:25 [ESV] Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down…
Proverbs 3:24 [NLT] You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly.
· Fear of tomorrow robs you of today
· Fear turns us into false prophets
· Fear is most gripping for trauma victims, high control people, & false prophets
Proverbs 29:25 [NLT] Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety.
Fear of man. Their opinion matters too much. Your decision based upon their reaction
8. Have you hardened your heart?
Proverbs 28:14 [ESV] Blessed is the one who fears the Lord always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity.
· Life does not determine the condition of your heart, you do
“The same sun that melts the ice hardens the clay”
· Hard heart leads to a non-relational lifestyle with God & the people who love us most