Real Romance #7 – Get a New Marriage with the Same Spouse

In this sermon, Pastor Mark preaches from Song of Songs 7:11-8:7 and "Real Romance" Chapter 8 on the importance of setting up natural rhythms of your family for things like Sabbath, vacations, and holidays. Ultimately, no matter how many arguments you've had or how many times the Enemy has tried to push you apart, you can have a new marriage with the same spouse.



Get a New Marriage with the Same Spouse: Song of Songs 7:11-8:7 (RR Ch 8)

-Our pastors dating advice 

-Dated in college – broke = walks, drives, hikes, picnics, coffee shop, board games, fire, movie 

=Graduated – 1. Diff’t schedules/days off 2. Broke 3. Ministry 4. Kids 5. PMD xtra jobs/travel 

A. Not regular date.  B. Vacations a mess. C. Holidays exhausting/disappointing 

1. Shared Calendar.                        2. Weekly Calendar Meeting.         3. Date Night/Day

=Plan:  1. Sabbath                           2. Vacations                                      3. Holidays 

What does En Gedi look like for you?

Song of Songs 1:14-2:2 [She] My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. [He] How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. [She] How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant. [He] The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs. [She] I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. [He] Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.

  1. Both – flirt a lot 
  2. She – insecure “rose of sharon” & “lilly of valleys” – common wildflowers 
  3. He – encourages “lilly among thorns”; “your eyes are doves” 

“En Gedi” = lush oasis in desert remains today 

  1. Early years – gift cards, friends cabins, house swap 
  2. Travel years 
  3. Romantic Getaways – Montana 50th; Luther & Germany

En Gedi @ home – cedar/fir; verdant/green bed or couch  

-Indoor – Grace

-Outdoor – Mark 

Sabbath, Vacations, and Holidays

Song of Songs 7:11-8:2 [She] Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom— there I will give you my love. The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved. If only you were to me like a brother, who was nursed at my mother’s breasts! Then, if I found you outside, I would kiss you, and no one would despise me. I would lead you and bring you to my mother’s house— she who has taught me. I would give you spiced wine to drink, the nectar of my pomegranates. 

Culture – PDA not allowed, esp. high-profile royalty (no privacy) 

Exception – little bro & sis 

  1. She – invites NOT nags 
  2. Building anticipation for “old” & “new” 

#1. Sabbath 

Plan A. Take a break. Plan B. Break 

Japan “Karoshi” = work to death. Die @ job 


  • Gen 2 = 6 days God worked, 1 day God rested 
  • God breathed OUT, breathed IN 
  • 10 Comm’s (Ex. 20:8-11)


Colossians 2:16 “let no one pass judgment on you…with regard to a…Sabbath.”

  1. Couples often Sabbath differently 
  1. Don’t get religious (Mk. 2:27) “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.
  2. Sabbath heart (Matt. 11:28-30) “Come to me, all who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest…for your souls. 
  3. Daily time together – “evening & morning” 
  4. Weekly Sabbath – date 
  5. Little kids? 1. Ministry 2. Grandparents 3. Co-op share 

Recent family dinners pivot 

#2. Vacations

= Ocean cabin 

w/kids (not restful)

1). Visit spot. 2). Plan as family. 3). Margin 4). 1 thing day. 5). Pivot. 6). On fridge. 

w/o kids

1). NO tech 2). Book/vision retreat 

#3. Holidays 

=1st XMAS – work, alone, angel wing begonia pancakes, Bridges Madison County 

-Not joining families, starting own family/traditions (watch $ manipulation!)

-As you add kids, reexamine annually

-People have access because of character, not blood 

PRACTICAL – travel, cost, (2 Thanksgivings)

PEOPLE        1. Positives +                        2. Negatives –                                   3. Neutrals = 

Hard conversation? You talk to your family 

New Marriage, Same Spouse 

Song of Songs 8:5-7 [He] Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth. [She] Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

Had a Fight! New marriage, same spouse. 

“under the apple tree” @ parents – sat/swing fell love (pics, video, notes)


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Mark Driscoll

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