Flirting Instead of Fighting

Song of Songs 2:10,15 – My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away…Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards…”

In Song of Songs 2, the woman is making deposits into her relationship by the words she speaks to her beloved. Like a bank account, we can either make deposits or withdrawals in our relationship that either grow or drain it. We want to make many, many deposits so that the withdrawals, or tough conversations, can be in a more relational context and hopefully not sting so much. She calls Solomon “my beloved” (2:8-10) and says things like “…your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” (2:14)

In the very next verse, she starts talking about “foxes” in the “vineyards” (something coming between you and your spouse, whether big or small) that can take root and create bigger problems in a relationship. They go from flirting to fighting.

We’ve all been there in our marriages. Whether we like to admit it or not, we all act selfish at times and end up rejecting our spouse. Marriage is hard work and if you allow it, it will reveal more wrong about yourself than you realized. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is the famous “Love is” passage that is typically used at weddings. This is a great passage to use as a mirror for yourself in your marriage. Below are some questions to ask yourself:

1.     “Love is patient.” (When am I impatient with my spouse?)

2.     “Love is kind.” (When am I unkind to my spouse?)

3.     “Love is not jealous.” (In what ways am I jealous of my spouse rather than happy for their 


4.     “Love is not boastful.” (Does my spouse hear me mainly talking about myself?)

5.     “Love is not proud.” (Does my spouse experience me as a proud, unteachable person?)

6.     “Love is not rude.” (How am I rude to my spouse?)

7.     “Love does not demand its own way.” (How does my spouse find me inconsiderate?)

8.     “Love is not irritable.” (When am I grumpy and moody?)

9.     “Love keeps no record of being wronged”. (What bitterness am I holding onto and using as 

a weapon against my spouse?)

10.   “Love does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.” (What 

unjust and untruthful things do I do and say to or about my spouse?)

11.   “Love never gives up.” (When have I given up on my spouse and our marriage?)

12.   “Love never loses faith and is always hopeful.” (What parts of my spouse and our marriage 

have I lost hope will ever improve?)

13.   “Love endures through every circumstance”. (In what circumstances do I use an excuse to 

give up and stop trying to love my spouse?)

Take some time to honestly reflect on your relationship with your spouse using the question prompts from the “Love is” passage (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) referenced earlier. What practical things can you do/change to better serve your spouse?

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