How can you help your wife with insecurity?

Ephesians 5:28 – In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 

If you’re a husband whose wife is having a tough season, or even a tough day, where the Enemy is attacking her, one of the most powerful things you can do is model the ministry of presence. 

There are times when people are hurting and struggling and there’s nothing you can do. Especially for men, you’re problem solvers. If there’s something you can do or fix, you’re involved, but if not, you just don’t engage. 

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do, nothing you can say, so we try to fill the void with theological conjecture like Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” While this is true, because it’s part of the infallible Word of God, it’s not always helpful in the moment.

Scripture does tell husbands to wash their wives in the Word (Ephesians 5:25-27) and that’s one of the most amazing things a husband can do for his wife – sit with her, pray with her, share the Word with her, let her ask questions, help her with truth when she’s believing lies. Not in a religious way, not in a condemning way. Know that God can heal the broken places and will do an even better job than you will. 

As men, we often try to reduce everything to the lowest level of complexity. We prefer things that are predictable and operate according to a pattern. This, however, is not how God made a woman. Building a relationship with a woman is nothing like building Ikea furniture. A woman is a wonderful, beautiful, complete and total mystery. You can no more read her mind than you can read the wind or ancient hieroglyphics. 

There’s really only one guaranteed way to understand your wife and serve her in a helpful way – ask her! Your wife knows what she’s thinking, feeling, and needing. In the moments where she is struggling and you need to be serving, just tell her that you love her, don’t know what to say or do (this won’t take her by surprise since she already knows that you don’t know), pray over her, and then look her in the eye and ask her how you can be the best possible friend and husband to her in that moment. 

Whatever her answer is, don’t argue or make a joke. If you need to go to the store and buy ice cream, watch a rom com movie holding her on the couch, or, perhaps most difficult of all, just listen for a few hours without providing a solution, then give it the old Boy Scout try.How can you encourage your spouse in an area where they’re insecure or being attacked by the Enemy? 

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