Why You Need to be a Lover and a Friend

Song of Songs 5:16 (NLT) – …my lover, my friend.

Friendship between a husband and wife is crucial to a healthy and successful marriage. Too many religious people settle for functional marriages that lack fun. You may love your spouse, but do you LIKE them? Do you enjoy being around them and learning about them? Are you friends? Friends share loyalties, stories, memories, resources, and intimacies. 

Marriages often operate in three different ways;back-to-back, shoulder-to-shoulder, and face-to-face. Back-to-back marriages occur when there are arguments and disagreements on the vision for the family. You’re literally facing in opposite directions. Shoulder-to-shoulder occurs when you are getting tasks done like house projects and taking the kids to where they need to go for school and activities. Face-to-face is when you have quality time with your spouse and you are taking time to invest in your friendship by doing something fun/intimate together. At different points in our marriage, we will be operating in these different ways, but the key is to always remember to prioritize face-to-face time with our spouse and seek to be intentional about how we can lovingly serve them. 

The Bible talks a lot about love in the context of marriage. When Jesus said to love your neighbor (Matthew 10:19, 22:39; Mark 13:31; Luke 10:27), we should assume that love should begin with your nearest neighbor – your spouse. When we love someone, we build a friendship with them. Love is the root, and friendship is the fruit of a healthy marriage.

If you’re married, how is your friendship with your spouse? How can you continue to improve your friendship with your spouse?

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