Real Romance #8 – 4 Ways Single People Can Prepare for Marriage

More than ever before, boys who should be men are living at home longer or moving back home to their mom's basement. What hope is there for a nice, young single gal who wants to marry a godly man? What wisdom is there for a young man who wants to grow up, get a job, and get off his parents' payroll? Pastor Mark finishes the Real Romance series with some hope for unicorns like these and how godly single people can prepare for marriage. Visit for a mountain of free Bible-based resources on marriage and to download a free copy of our newest book, Real Romance: Sex in the Song of Songs.



4 Ways Single People Can Prepare for Marriage: Song of Songs 8:8-14 (RR Ch 9)

  1. Young single or dating
  2. Married – your foundation/early days 
  3. Divorcee hoping to remarry – learn/grow? 
  4. Parent/Grandparent helping kids – 
  5. Wise Counsel 

Teens & Twenties (DAD HAT)

  1. NILF – Men “Not In Labor Force”
  2. Today – record low unemployment, record low men in workforce % 
  3. 7 million men 25-54 not working or looking for work 
  1. Gov’t $ during COVID (future debt) 
  2. Moved home w/mom no plan moving out (1st ever MOST 18-34 living w/parents)

63% young men single, 34% young women single (older men, lesbian) 

Only ½ single men in a relationship, or even seeking one 

-Social Media              -Porn               -Video Games (soft)               = 4X suicide

Young kids = mom.                 Older kids = dad 

  1. LOOK AT your friends & self-destruct. 
  2. LOOK UP & follow God’s plan that’s worked forever. 

#1. Back to the Future 

Song of Songs 8:8-14 [Brothers] We have a little sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. [She] I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. Solomon had a vineyard in Baal Hamon; he let out his vineyard to tenants. Each was to bring for its fruit a thousand shekels of silver. But my own vineyard is mine to give; the thousand shekels are for you, Solomon, and two hundred are for those who tend its fruit. [He] You who dwell in the gardens with friends in attendance, let me hear your voice!  [She] Come away, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the spice-laden mountains.

·         Western stories – beg – mid – end

·         Eastern stories – beg – mid – beg (Gen 1-2, Judges, Bible) 

·         Beginning determines the end

·         Bad beginning? Need new beginning (born again) 

  1. Poor single mother, 2 sons, 1 daughter? 
  2. End of book, back to beginning of her life 

Her childhood – her perspective 

  • Solomon had rich vineyards 
  • “my own vineyard” – responsibility her chastity & character 
  • Prepared = godly wife

2 Kinds Young Women 

  1. Wall – 
  2. Door – 1. Attract attention 2. Invite attention 3. Needy. 4. People pleaser/fear of man 

Brain Science – early life 

=A. Attachment (+)     B. Trauma (-)  C. Neural Pathways (e.g. bitter/forgive, fear/faith) 

= Go backward to move forward (bow & arrow) OUR STORY 

#2. The Success Sequence

To avoid poverty with a 97% success rate, live a better life, and leave a better legacy do these three things in order:

  1. Graduate from high school
  2. Work a full time job
  3. Marry before having children 

Institute for Family Studies

#3. Where is the Line vs When is the Time

Song of Songs 2:7, 3:5, 8:4  [HCSB] do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.

Ephesians 5:3 [NIV] “there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality”

1 Timothy 5:2 [ESV] “(treat) younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

Last 50 yrs marriage rate dropped 60%

Sinful Casual Dating – cars, $ = competition & pressure

Cohab (70% before marriage) – higher abuse, higher divorce, lower satisfaction 

  1. God does not bless
  2. Woman is not safe or respect him  
  3. Man loses leadership authority. 
  4. Ignore deepest issues & connections. 
  5. Guilt/shame pattern (OUR STORY) 

Moving Toward Marriage 

  1. Godly Friendship 
  2. Intentional Friendship (if younger) 
  3. Intentional Dating 
  4. Premarital Counseling
  5. Engagement 
  6. Marriage 

Non-xn study WebMD no cohab before marriage 

-15% better sex life, 22% more stability, 20% more satisfaction 

XN Couples marry young & do it God’s Way = happier marriages, lower divorce (Wilcox) 

=My kids: 1. Serve Jesus 2. Avoid car/credit/college debt 3. Marry 4. Own home 

The Right One by Jimmy Evans 

#4. Links in the Family Chain

Luke 22:32 Jesus said, “‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob…”

  1. First links 
  2. Strong links
  3. Weak links
  4. Broken links

(Growing up family? Spouses family? Current family? Deconstruction & Progressive )

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Mark Driscoll

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