4 Ways Single People Can Prepare for Marriage: Song of Songs 8:8-14 (RR Ch 9)
- Young single or dating
- Married – your foundation/early days
- Divorcee hoping to remarry – learn/grow?
- Parent/Grandparent helping kids –
- Wise Counsel
Teens & Twenties (DAD HAT)
https://nypost.com/2022/11/02/disturbing-rise-of-the-nilfs-men-not-in-the-labor-force/
- NILF – Men “Not In Labor Force”
- Today – record low unemployment, record low men in workforce %
- 7 million men 25-54 not working or looking for work
- Gov’t $ during COVID (future debt)
- Moved home w/mom no plan moving out (1st ever MOST 18-34 living w/parents)
63% young men single, 34% young women single (older men, lesbian)
Only ½ single men in a relationship, or even seeking one
-Social Media -Porn -Video Games (soft) = 4X suicide
Young kids = mom. Older kids = dad
- LOOK AT your friends & self-destruct.
- LOOK UP & follow God’s plan that’s worked forever.
#1. Back to the Future
Song of Songs 8:8-14 [Brothers] We have a little sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. [She] I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. Solomon had a vineyard in Baal Hamon; he let out his vineyard to tenants. Each was to bring for its fruit a thousand shekels of silver. But my own vineyard is mine to give; the thousand shekels are for you, Solomon, and two hundred are for those who tend its fruit. [He] You who dwell in the gardens with friends in attendance, let me hear your voice! [She] Come away, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the spice-laden mountains.
· Western stories – beg – mid – end
· Eastern stories – beg – mid – beg (Gen 1-2, Judges, Bible)
· Beginning determines the end
· Bad beginning? Need new beginning (born again)
- Poor single mother, 2 sons, 1 daughter?
- End of book, back to beginning of her life
Her childhood – her perspective
- Solomon had rich vineyards
- “my own vineyard” – responsibility her chastity & character
- Prepared = godly wife
2 Kinds Young Women
- Wall –
- Door – 1. Attract attention 2. Invite attention 3. Needy. 4. People pleaser/fear of man
Brain Science – early life
=A. Attachment (+) B. Trauma (-) C. Neural Pathways (e.g. bitter/forgive, fear/faith)
= Go backward to move forward (bow & arrow) OUR STORY
#2. The Success Sequence
To avoid poverty with a 97% success rate, live a better life, and leave a better legacy do these three things in order:
- Graduate from high school
- Work a full time job
- Marry before having children
Institute for Family Studies
#3. Where is the Line vs When is the Time
Song of Songs 2:7, 3:5, 8:4 [HCSB] do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.
Ephesians 5:3 [NIV] “there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality”
1 Timothy 5:2 [ESV] “(treat) younger women as sisters, in all purity.”
Last 50 yrs marriage rate dropped 60% https://www.axios.com/2023/02/25/marriage-declining-single-dating-taxes-relationships
Sinful Casual Dating – cars, $ = competition & pressure
Cohab (70% before marriage) – higher abuse, higher divorce, lower satisfaction
- God does not bless
- Woman is not safe or respect him
- Man loses leadership authority.
- Ignore deepest issues & connections.
- Guilt/shame pattern (OUR STORY)
Moving Toward Marriage
- Godly Friendship
- Intentional Friendship (if younger)
- Intentional Dating
- Premarital Counseling
- Engagement
- Marriage
Non-xn study WebMD no cohab before marriage
-15% better sex life, 22% more stability, 20% more satisfaction
XN Couples marry young & do it God’s Way = happier marriages, lower divorce (Wilcox)
=My kids: 1. Serve Jesus 2. Avoid car/credit/college debt 3. Marry 4. Own home
The Right One by Jimmy Evans
#4. Links in the Family Chain
Luke 22:32 Jesus said, “‘I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob…”
- First links
- Strong links
- Weak links
- Broken links
(Growing up family? Spouses family? Current family? Deconstruction & Progressive )