Song of Solomon #5 – My Beloved

In this sermon from Song of Solomon 5:2-6:1, the honeymoon is over, and the hard work of marriage begins. Pastor Mark and Grace Driscoll discuss the three types of marriages, back to back, shoulder to shoulder, and face to face. That spouses need to pursue each other and build a deep friendship.



Song of Solomon 5:2-6:1

“The honeymoon’s over” – marriage is now hard work

On honeymoon, no cares but each other. Rest of life, lots of duties & distractions

  • Serving vs Selfish – Mark 9 “who is the greatest” Mark 10 “served not be served”
  • Single yrs often selfish yrs
  • Serve = family & spouse (in & out bedroom)
  • Most divorces first 7 years (7-year itch, 9-14 yrs married unselfish )

Selfish or Servant?

  1. Selfish + Selfish = a brutal marriage
  2. Selfish + Servant = an abusive marriage
  3. Servant + Servant = a beautiful marriage


5:2-8 I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My beloved is knocking: “Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.”  I have taken off my robe— must I put it on again? I have washed my feet—must I soil them again? My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls! Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you-if you find my beloved, what will you tell him?  Tell him I am faint with love.


5:9 How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women? How is your beloved better than others, that you so charge us?


5:10-16 My beloved is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand. His head is purest gold; his hair is wavy and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves by the water streams, washed in milk, mounted like jewels. His cheeks are like beds of spice yielding perfume. His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh. His arms are rods of gold set with topaz. His body is like polished ivory decorated with lapis lazuli. His legs are pillars of marble set on bases of pure gold. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice as its cedars. His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem.


6:1 Where has your beloved gone, most beautiful of women? Which way did your beloved turn, that we may look for him with you?

Bible records a marital fight/conflict

He’s selfish

·         He’s out working too late, misses dinner, she goes to bed, he comes home early am

·         He tries to pick the lock

·         His trying to get the lock into the key may be a double entendre for also wanting to have sex with his wife (Isaiah 57:8,10; Jeremiah 5:31, 50:15).

·         He leaves without telling anyone where he’s going

She’s selfish

·         She goes back to bed, locks the door

·         She says she can’t open the door because she’s naked, & will get feet dirty

2 Interpretive Options

  1. Goes out alone at night & is harmed
  2. Had a dream sequence – partly asleep/awake


  • Wise counsel
  • Remind self of what is good about your spouse (2 train tracks)
  • Pursue your spouse

            = Love Languages Gary Thomas – 1. Words 2. Gifts 3. Service 4. Time 5. Touch.

Love & Friend

  • 5:16 “lover” & “friend”

-“The determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple’s friendship. For men, the determining factor is, by 70 percent, the quality of the couple’s friendship. So men and women come from the same planet after all.” John Gottman The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

-”Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dis- likes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in and day out. . . Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.”

3 Kinds of Marriages

  1. Back to back
  2. Shoulder to shoulder
  3. Face to face

Discussion Question:

In a private conversation with your phones off looking at one another, with a lot of love and grace, have a healthy conversation inviting your spouse to be a better friend by A. giving them examples from your relationship on how they were a good friend and B. how they can be a good friend in the present and future.

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Mark Driscoll

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