Real Romance Pro Tip #3: Friendship
- Couple? Hold hands, think back on favorite memories as friends
- Grace & I – met HS, worked together, college, married, college broke, ministry
=Grace is my dearest friend & a fiercely loyal friend. I like doing whatever w/her
SINGLE? Start w/spiritual & relational; NOT physical & sexual
Friends 1st. A). Doesn’t work out not devastated B). Does work out good foundation
Marital Friendship
- All or part 187 marriage books for 1st book Real Marriage
- 93% prediction marital success rate by Gottman
- 70% men & women
“Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for & enjoyment of each other’s company. These couples tend to know each other intimately—they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, & dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other & express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in & day out. . . Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.”
Our God is a Friend
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Deuteronomy 6:4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
=Trinity – think relational not physical.
- Like a husband & wife – 2 are 1
- To become a XN is to join God’s Friend Group
You Have to Prioritize Your Relationships
- Healthy relationship with God
- Healthy relationship with spouse
- Healthy relationship with kids/grandkids
- Healthy relationship with close extended family, friends, or church family
- Healthy relationship with coworkers
- Healthy relationship with acquaintances
The Law of Seasonality – most for season not life
The Law of Capacity – relational plate size (everyone has limits)
- Sociologists – avg person 500-2500 acquaintances in contact a year
- 40% of social time each week 5 people
- Be friendly towards all, but only friends w/a few
- When you violate the law of priority, you trigger the law of jealousy
Your Spouse Is Your Nearest Neighbor
Matthew 22:36-39 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
- Neighbors come & go, but your spouse is always your nearest neighbor
Your Spouse Should Be Your Best Friend
Song of Songs 5:16 (NIV) “This is my lover, this my friend”
Eph. 5:25 (ESV) “Husbands, love [agape or “friends with”] your wives…”
Agape = friendship
- Woman’s deepest need – security
- Man’s greatest need – respect
= we love & respect our friends
Benefits Of Friendship with Your Spouse
Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.”
1. Marital friendship is a godly friends with benefits relationship
2. Marital friendship protects against emotional adultery & a work spouse
3. Marital friendship saves you from swallow friends
4. Marital friendship means your spouse will walk in the door when everyone else is walking out.
5. Marital friendship guards against the empty nest crisis
6. Martial friendship makes the good days twice as good, and the bad days half as bad
Grace up
3 Kinds of Marriages
- Most men – shoulder-shoulder
- Most women face-face
- Back-to-Back
- Shoulder to Shoulder
- Face to Face
Exodus 33:11 the LORD used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend.
1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
