Why Marriage Means Forgiveness

Love doesn’t keep record wrongs! In the second Real Romance Conference sermon, you’ll discover the transformative power of forgiveness in marriage, as we unpack the profound connection between love and forgiveness.



Real Romans Pro Tip #2: Forgiveness

Love doesn’t keep record wrongs. 

Our shovel A). Archaeologist B). Dig up root bitterness 

I believed the gospel of grace, preached the gospel of grace, but not for Grace 

2 Cultures – Heaven & Hell

1.    Hell Up – offended/sinned against/crime – unforgiveness-bitterness-grudge 

2.    Heaven Down – offended/sinned against/crime – forgive-remove self-leave room God 

Jesus Forgives Your Debt

Luke 23:34 (NIV) “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” 

  • 1st of 7 words from the cross 
  • Sponge 
  •  “It is finished” = Jesus answered His own prayer
  • Wage for sin is death (debt & ransom)  
  1. YOU are forgiven. 
  2. God is not bitter toward you. 
  3. There is no relationship w/o forgiveness between you & God; you & others
  4. Jesus was crucified for His marriage, & you will be crucified a little bit for yours 
  5. Forgiveness is a gift for you to receive from God, & to share w/your spouse 

What Does Your Spouse Owe You?

Matthew 6:12 “forgive us our debts as we have also forgiven our debtors”

Luke 11:4 “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

  • Sin = debt. Men don’t like to lose. 
  • Commission. Omission 
  • Big withdrawals. OR someone loved (parent, spouse) 

The Four Horsemen of Marriage Apocalypse

A “harsh startup” followed by:

1.    Criticism – The person does not have a problem, they are the problem

2.    Contempt – Sneering, mocking, name calling, eye rolling, and volume raising. 

3.    Defensiveness – Make excuses and blame shift, double down, change the subject. 

4.    Stonewalling – Tune out, silent treatment, leave room, drive away. (HUSBAND)

  • John Gottman. Predicts divorce 91% accuracy 

A couple falls out of forgiveness before they fall out of love

Hebrews 12:15-16 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy…

  • Bitterness, unforgiveness, carrying offense, broken, hurt, owed
  • Shovel of forgiveness digs up root bitterness
  • Couples fall out of forgiveness long before they fall out of love  
  • After the wedding comes the war

Forgiving Unlocks Anointing  

Ephesians 4:26-32 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil…Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

1.    Forgiveness is responding to Jesus, not to the person who hurt you. 

2.    Forgiveness is often a private matter between you and God. 

3.    Forgiveness is both a one-time event and an ongoing process. (Matt 18:21-22 70X7)

4.    Forgiveness is opposite vengeance. (Rom 12:19 ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay’”  

5.    Forgiveness does not require an apology. 

6.    Forgiveness is not enabling foolishness, irresponsibility, or sin (boundary). 

7.    Forgiveness is not covering a crime. 

8.    Forgiveness is not trust or reconciliation. 

9.    Your forgiveness is not God’s forgiveness. (cross or hell married unbeliever) 

10. Blessing is the test of forgiving.

???TBD Benefits Forgiveness – Fred Luskin, “forgiveness project”

Forgive For Good: A Proven Prescription for Health & Happiness; Relieve physical stress

  • Time does not heal any wounds. 
  1. Land your planes 
  2. Box up your hurt & put it on the shelf in the garage 
  3. Heal your tender spot 
  4. Oppression & burden lifted! 
  5. Non anxious presence (know are bitter, or become bitter stressful)
  6. New marriage, same spouse. 

STOP looking backward. START looking forward. 

Communion in room or online 


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Mark Driscoll

It's all about Jesus! Read More