Emotional Health

If you knew that you were going to die this week, what would you say to others? Knowing that He was only days from death, Jesus says this in John 12:27-36:

 “Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this   purpose I have come to this hour.Father, glorify your name.”Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” The crowd that stood there and heard it said that it had thundered. Others said, “An angel has spoken to him.” Jesus answered, “This voice has come for your sake, not mine. Now is the judgment of this world; now will the ruler of this world be cast out.And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to   myself.” He said this to show by what kind of death he was going to die. So the crowd answered him, “We have heard from the Law that the Christ remains forever. How can you say that the Son of Man must be lifted up? Who is this Son of Man?” So Jesus said to them, “The light is among you for a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going.While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light.”

From Jesus example, we learn of six things He did and we can do in troubled times:

We can embrace God’s will with Jesus who said, “for this purpose I have come”.
We can glorify God with Jesus who said, “Father, glorify your name.”
We can trust God to show up in tough times as He did when Jesus was suffering.
We can defeat the devil with Jesus who said, “now will the ruler of this world be cast out”.
We can defeat death with Jesus who is “the Christ [who] remains forever”.
We can walk home by following God’s light Jesus who invites us to, “Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you.”
What struggles and troubles are you facing right now? How can you follow in Jesus example in one (or more) of these six ways?

Last night, I was anxious. I’d had a rough day, and I felt both deluged by work and discouraged by what felt like a punch in the soul that hit me earlier that day. As it got closer to bedtime, I found my anxiety level rising as my fear was increasing.

At that moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me of John 12:15 where Jesus says, “Fear not, daughter of Zion; behold, your king is coming, sitting on a donkey’s colt!””

Fear not. Did you know that that is the most common command in all of the Bible? Roughly 150 times depending upon which translation of the Bible you prefer, God tells us in some form or fashion things like “fear not” and “do not be afraid”.

            When the Bible repeats something, it is because we repeatedly forget and need to be reminded.

            What are you afraid of?

            What is consuming your time, energy, and thoughts?

            What is keeping you up at night?

            What is robbing you of your joy?

            What painful future are you seeking to avoid?

Have you ever seen footage of an avalanche? Things begin rather simply with snow and/or ice moving atop a mountain. Slowly, things begin to slip and not stop. Before long, it seems like the entire mountain is coming undone and cascading down with great force at breakneck speed.

Fear is what happens when it seems like something in our life is beginning to shake. Whether it is our health, finances, marriage, friendships, or safety, the fear is that the shaking will continue until we are destroyed by an avalanche coming down to bury us alive.

What is the answer to the false trinity of fear, worry, and anxiety?

Most every time that the God tells us to “fear not” in the Bible, God then says something like, “for I am with you”. Therefore, the answer to our fear is faith in God’s presence. On this point, Jesus teaches two crucial truths.

One, you are loved like a “daughter”. As a daddy of two wonderful daughters this is incredibly comforting. I would do literally anything for my girls, and love them with all my heart. To look at my girls and remind myself that God loves me with the Father’s heart like I love my girls is incredibly comforting. My girls know that I am always there to do anything for their good and I need to remind myself that God is there for His kids like that.

Two, Jesus says, “your king is coming, sitting on a donkey’s colt!”. In that culture, the king rode a horse during times of war or a donkey during times of peace. When life feels like war, Jesus rides in to bring us peace as the King of peace. This peace begins internally as the Holy Spirit, if we surrender to Him, calms our nerves, comforts our fears, and controls our emotions.

Sometimes the avalanche never comes and we are okay. Other times, the avalanche does come and because of the presence of the King of peace you can still be okay even though nothing else is okay.

Where do you need to invite God to bring peace into your heart right now today?

In John 11 there is a long story about Jesus raising his friend Lazarus from the dead. We learn that Jesus was incredibly emotionally present. Here’s what that chapter of the Bible says about Jesus’ emotional state:

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.
Jesus wept.
Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb.
Jesus was very clear, however, that He knew that He would raise Lazarus from death saying previously in John 11:11, “I go to awaken him.”

Jesus knew that Lazarus would be okay. And, Jesus also became very emotional seeing others suffering and grieving. Why? Because Jesus is emotionally present in the moment even though He trusts in the future.

There is a very important lesson here. When crisis our trouble hits, sometimes Christians can so focus on the future that they are not emotionally present in the moment. We can quote perfectly good Scripture about God working out all things for good, the great future down the road that God has planned for us, or the glories of heaven. But, while those things are true eventually what is also true immediately is that people are hurting and suffering. Jesus perfectly models being emotionally present in the moment while also trusting the Father for the future.

How about you, are you better at being emotionally present in the moment or trusting God for the future?

“Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.”  Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.” When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.”  And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”  When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

– John 11:17-37

In the death of Lazarus, we see that different people process suffering and death differently. This helps us learn that not only are there godly and ungodly ways to grieve, but that even godly people grieve differently.

Lazarus was sick and dying for days and had to come to grips with the reality that Jesus was not showing up to spare him.
Friends and family practiced the ministry of presence by being “in the house” and “consoling” while grieving through “weeping”.
Critics turned helpful questions for God to harmful accusations against God saying, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”
Sisters Martha and Mary are both godly and love Jesus but grieve differently. Martha is more rational, practical, and a doer. Mary is more emotional, relational, and a feeler. Martha gets out of the home, prefers to be alone, and talks to Jesus about things right now. Mary stays in the home, prefers to be with others, and talks to Jesus about things eventually.
Jesus is incredibly loving, relational, empathetic, and emotionally present in this scene. The report is that, “he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled…Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!””
How do you respond to suffering and grief? Do you ever wrongly judge the grief process of someone else because they are different than you are?

After spending nearly all of my adult life as a pastor, the one question I may have gotten more than any other is, “why?”. The person asking the question has often experienced some sort of tragic suffering or is watching someone they love endure misery.

Oftentimes, there really is not a clear answer. The best course of action is often to be emotionally present, compassionate, empathetic, and to kindly redirect their focus from “why” something happened, to “how” they can use it to glorify God.

Jesus teaches us this very thing in John 9:1-3, “As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3 Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

There are at least four ways to glorify God in our suffering:

If there is sin in our life that has contributed to our suffering we can glorify God by confessing it, repenting of it, and seeking to walk away from it.
While we are suffering there is an opportunity to respond with love for God and godly character that serves as an encouraging testimony to other believers who learn by watching us suffer with honesty about the grief and hope in the Lord.
Suffering provides us a unique opportunity to witness to non-Christians who know us and see our faith revealed in our suffering as we walk with the Lord through our sorrow.
Suffering increases our ability to minister to others who are suffering by increasing our compassion, empathy, and understanding of what best ministers to a suffering person.
How have you seen someone suffer and glorify God in one of these ways? How can you better glorify God in your suffering?

Physical suffering is constant. If you are not suffering right now, then you probably know someone who is.

Not only is suffering painful, it is also perplexing. Everyone has at some point tried to figure out why suffering has come upon them and/or someone they know. To make matters worse, some of the wrong conclusions drawn only add to the suffering. We find one such occurrence in John 9:1-3, which says, “As he [Jesus] passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

In seeing suffering, even Jesus’ disciples thought in terms much like unbiblical karma. In karma, if you are suffering it must be because of your sinning. In this instance, they saw only two possible options. Either he was a wicked man, or he came from a wicked family.

In some cultures in which the ideology of karma is strongly held, there is little compassion for those who suffer, so efforts to alleviate suffering are discouraged for fear of hindering someone’s repayment of their karmic debt. In the Old Testament story of Job, his “friends” share this flawed mindset and keep pressing the suffering man to confess his sin even though the book opens declaring him to be “blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil…”

Rather than sin being the only possible cause for his suffering, there are at least six possible reasons for the blind man’s misery in John.

He sinned and was reaping in the form of suffering what he had sown in sinning. If this were the case, the right course of action would be to kindly encourage him to repent. But, since he had been blind since birth it’s hard to imagine that he did anything that caused a life of punishment. Jesus says this is not the cause.
His family sinned in some way and brought this suffering upon him. Perhaps this was spiritual and a consequence for being an evil family, Or, perhaps his parents did something sinful to cause his suffering (e.g. a mother who was abusing drugs or alcohol while pregnant). Jesus says this is not the cause.
He lives in a fallen world where everything is broken and everyone suffers. There is often no direct cause and effect relationship between sinning and suffering. Sometimes awful people live healthy long lives and wonderful people live painful short lives. This is at least partly to blame for his state.
He suffered demonic attack. There are many times in the Bible where Jesus or His apostles see someone healed once demonic forces harming them are removed. This is not stated regarding this man, but was a possibility that the religious leaders ignored.
He was a victim of sin. Perhaps some wrongdoing was done to him in his mother’s womb, or at the time of his birth, that took his sight. Again, the religious leaders did not consider this possibility and lacked any compassion.
His misery was a mystery. Oftentimes, we have no clear answer to why one person is enduring a particular suffering. Again, the religious leaders had to come to some conclusion and could not live with admitting that they likely did not know what was happening with this man.
The point of the story is that suffering people are sometimes wrongly judged and not given the compassion that would be appropriate.

How about you? Are you in a season of suffering? Who do you know that is suffering and how can you be more helpful to them?

In my early twenties, as a new Christian and pastor, I will never forget one meeting I had with a dear young couple. The husband deeply loved his wife. But, she was emotionally distant, and he felt like she lived in a bank vault that he did not have the combination for. No matter what he tried, he could not get his wife to emotionally open up and connect.

After I opened our meeting in prayer, the husband with tears in his eyes explained both his love for his wife and his loneliness from his wife. When I asked her to be brave and tell us what she thought the cause was, the husband and I were both shocked to hear her say, “I cannot open up and trust him because when he leaves me I will be heartbroken.”

The husband was stunned. This man loved his wife. This wife was convinced that eventually he would leave her and so she needed to guard her heart and prepare herself for her divorce even though they’d just been married. As we dug deeper, the lie she believed was rooted in the fear she had from the pain she’d endured. She grew up in a home where her mother was married and divorced five times. Her entire childhood was spent watching men marry and divorce her mom. Satan used that pain to cause her to believe the lie that the same thing would happen to her. I opened to John 8 and shared with her these words from Jesus Christ:

John 8:44 (your father the devil) does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
John 8:31-32 So Jesus said…, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Lies come from Satan; truth comes from God. It’s that simple. To ensure we get this point, Jesus then says in 8:45, “I tell the truth”, something he echoes roughly forty times in John’s gospel.

After explaining this, I then took a sheet of paper and drew a line down the center. On the left, I put the word “lies”. On the right, I put the word, “truth”. I then gave the woman a homework assignment requesting that for the next week she take every questionable thing that she thought about God, herself, and her marriage and decide if it went in the truth or lies category. For anything in the lies category, I wanted her to then go to the Bible to put the truth to the right of the lie. My hope was that she would learn to quickly recognize lies that she believed and defeat the lie that was putting her in slavery with the truth that would set her free.

One week later, we met again. This poor woman filled up an entire notebook of lies and truth. She had no idea how much bondage she was in from lies she believed. The more she started to feed the truth and starve the lies the more joy she had and the more her relationship with God and her husband grew.

After more than two decades as a Senior Pastor, the is likely one homework assignment that I have given people more than any other. And, I’m praying that you will have the courage to do the same starting right now.