Win Your War

The Absalom Spirit

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2 Samuel 15:2-6 – And Absalom used to rise early and stand beside the way of the gate. And when any man had a dispute to come before the king for judgment, Absalom would call to him and say, “From what city are you?” And when he said, “Your servant is of such and such a tribe in Israel,” Absalom would say to him, “See, your claims are good and right, but there is no man designated by the king to hear you.” Then Absalom would say, “Oh that I were judge in the land! Then every man with a dispute or cause might come to me, and I would give him justice.” And whenever a man came near to pay homage to him, he would put out his hand and take hold of him and kiss him. Thus Absalom did to all of Israel who came to the king for judgment. So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.

Absalom was one of the many sons of King David. His sister Tamar was sexually assaulted by their half-brother Amnon, who further dishonored her by rejecting her. To care for his sister, Absalom had his sister live with him while expecting their father, David, to care for and protect his daughter. For two years David did nothing for Tamar, and Absalom seethed with bitterness against David and Amnon.

Absalom murdered his half-brother. With the father wound unhealed, Absalom began a covert campaign to usurp his father, David, and take the throne. Over time “Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” He succeeded in overthrowing his father, which forced King David to flee.

Absalom was so bitter that he personally led the charge to kill his father. This gave David time to prepare and rout Absalom’s forces. While fleeing the battle on a mule, Absalom’s long hair got caught in some oak tree branches, which killed him. This was not what David wanted, because he still loved his son, and David grieved the death of Absalom.

An unhealed father wound that invites the Absalom spirit compels men (and sometimes women) to believe that if they were in the position of highest leadership, they would do a better job of defending the hurting and caring for the needy. As a result, they seek to form unholy alliances and overthrow established governance. This can be a son overtaking a father in the home, a spiritual son overtaking a spiritual father in a church, or a team member overtaking a leader in an organization.

Though evil and proud, it is done in the name of love, care, and protection, much like Satan, who felt he could do a better job than God and had angels who felt the same.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Six Ways to Identify a Father Wound

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1 Corinthians 13:11 – When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

1 Corinthians 4:15 – For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.

Like a poker player has a “tell” that reveals their hand, people with a Father wound also have a “tell” that reveals their hurt. Here are the six which are, perhaps, most common:

Fear

People with father wounds often have great fears about getting married and having children; they fear becoming like their fathers and causing the kind of pain for their children that they experienced as a child.

Immaturity

Good fathers help us to grow up, take responsibility, and make the move from child to adult. Today, men are taking longer to grow up and are less likely than their female counterparts to be in college, have a job, attend church, or even have a driver’s license.

Rebellion

A father wound causes a person to see authority as dangerous, unsafe, and untrustworthy. As a result, they rebel against it. In more moderate forms the father wound causes people to be suspicious of leadership and prefer governance structures in the home or church where there is no leader rather than a team of fully equal leaders.

Selfishness

In a healthy home with godly parents the center of the home is God, followed by the marital relationship of mom and dad, then followed by the children. Children who grow up with a healthy father in a healthy family know they are not the center of the universe. Otherwise they are over-mothered, under-fathered, and selfish.

Warped view of God

Our view of God is often a projection or rejection of our imperfect earthly dad onto God. Atheism says I have no Father. Reformed theology says I have a Father who is not very relational. Liberal theology says I have a Father who acts more like an enabling older sibling and does not tell me what to do but helps me do whatever I want.

Lack of real-life mentors

People with father wounds have a hard time connecting to wise, older men or women who can train them. They avoid this type of relationship.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Spiritual Parents

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1 Timothy 5:1-2 – Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.

Galatians 4:19 – …my little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you!

James 5:14 – Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.

1 Corinthians 8:1 – Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” This “knowledge” puffs up, but love builds up.

In addition to physical parents the Bible teaches that we also have spiritual parents. This explains why we ought “not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father” and to treat “older women as mothers.”

Paul was a spiritual father himself. He refers to Timothy, Titus, and Onesimus as “sons” and calls the Christians in Galatia “my little children.”

When the Bible talks about older leaders laying on hands to anoint and appoint younger leaders, that means ministry transfers relationally. You cannot lay hands on anyone through the internet—you have to do life with them. Laying your hands on yet another book is not the same as someone laying their hands on you. One godly and wise real-life mentor is worth more than a thousand books and downloaded sermons because he or she knows you personally.

We can receive wounds from our spiritual fathers. Sometimes this pain cuts doubly deep. If someone has a failed father and then comes into the church family only to have a failed spiritual father, they have the painful double portion of a father wound.

But if you don’t let godly leaders into the down and dirty of your day to day, that’s a problem. The result is knowledge, which puffs up, and not love, which builds up. You can become an emotionally unhealthy person who thinks God provided Bible verses to beat people up rather than build people up.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Five Kinds of Fathers

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Mark 11:25 – And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 – And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Everyone is marked, positively or negatively, by their earthly father. Although everyone’s family experience is unique, we have identified five general categories of fathers.

Tragic dad—this father isn’t in the picture for some tragic reason (i.e., death, permanent debilitating medical problem).
Terrible dad—this father is absent for no good reason (i.e., runs off either before or after kids are born, shows little to no interest in being a parent).
Tough dad—this father is overbearing, dominating, and intimidating (i.e., threatens like a drill sergeant, pushes like a bad boss, or yells like an awful coach). The tough dad abuses his family.
Tender dad—this father is kind, sweet, and nice but fails to protect his family (i.e., gets run over by tough guys, allows his kids to get bullied and pushed around, and watches his daughter end up with an abusive boyfriend because he won’t step in the middle). This family is often financially broke because strong guys beat weak dad in business. The tender dad lets other people abuse his family.
Terrific dad—this dad isn’t perfect, but he is godly, relational, wise, healthy, present, and knows how to be both tough for the family and tender with the family (i.e., their dad provided for all of the family’s needs). Financially, he makes good money. Spiritually, he leads in the worship of God. Relationally, he is encouraging, warm, and connected. Socially, he nurtures healthy relationships with other families to provide community for his family. Humbly he owns his mistakes and apologizes when he is wrong.

How about you? What kind of father do you have? If you are a father, what kind of dad are you?

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Fighting Dad

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Romans 8:15–16 – For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God…

Psalm 103:13 – As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

A mixed martial arts fighter named Jens Pulver became a Christian later in life and wrote an autobiography.  The 5-foot, 7-inch lightweight known as “Lil’ Evil” was a lefty who fought his way through the inaugural Ultimate Fighting Championship to win his weight class.

This brutal fighter had grown up under the worst of circumstances, including an incident where his dad put a gun in seven-year-old Jens’ mouth but then pulled it away, saying “You aren’t worth the bullets.”

Pulver was fighting his dad every time he climbed in the ring.

Pulver says, “When I was 15 I made myself a promise. My dad had just beaten me and my mom, and we were huddled in the bathroom, crying. It was a horrible situation. But I made myself a promise—one day I’m going to get so famous that I’m going to tell everybody about him. I’m going to get so famous that they are going to listen. It took me 20 years, but it kept me out there chasing the dream until I became a world champion.”

Pulver was fighting his dad every time he climbed in the ring. He had a father wound. The father wound is an unhealed hurt from a physical or spiritual father or father figure in our lives.

Fathers fail us, and unless we forgive them and invite God the Father to heal our father wound, we remain burdened instead of unburdened, broken instead of healed, and made bitter instead of made better. It leaves people open to the demonic through hurt and bitterness.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Forgiveness Makes Everyone a Winner

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Romans 2:1-4 – Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things. Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? 

Luke 15:10 – Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

Schedule a meeting with God and write out the list of debts the person(s) you need to forgive has accrued to you. Then have what we call a “canceling the record of debt.” Burn your list to remind yourself of the flames of hell from which Jesus saved you, or bury it to remind yourself that Jesus was buried for your sin.

As you forgive, imagine Jesus Christ getting up off His throne to cheer for you while the devil flees from you. As light casts out darkness, so forgiveness casts out the demonic.

Not only that, but forgiveness also makes the opportunity easier for the person who sinned against you to repent to God and you, because kindness leads to repentance. When you forgive others, you get out of the way and let God deal with them directly.

Think of the possibility that you could forgive someone right now, and Jesus would jump off His throne to celebrate like a rabid sports fan at a game with the angels joining in. Then the person who sinned against you one day repents, and Jesus jumps up to lead the angels in yet another all-out victory celebration, as everyone is a winner when there is forgiveness!

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Forgiveness Invites the Holy Spirit to Defeat the Unholy Spirit

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Ephesians 4:26-32 – Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Anger is not a sin, as God Himself gets angry. Anger, however, can lead us to sin if we are not careful.

To carry anger from the daytime into the nighttime is dragging yesterday’s anger into today. You know that old anger is still with you when the words you say violate the command to “let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up.”

This is doubly true when Christians war with Christians in front of non-Christians, because the only person who wins that war is the devil. To defeat the demonic, the Bible commands us to forgive one another “as God in Christ forgave you.” This kind of forgiveness is not natural but rather supernatural.

Thankfully, the same Holy Spirit who empowered Jesus to pay your debt and forgive your sin is also standing at the ready to empower you to forgive. He wants to help you forgive those who have wronged you so the demonic forces causing you harm can be replaced by His hope and healing. When you focus on the one who hurt you, you ignore the One who can heal you. When you forgive, you stop focusing on winning and start focusing on worshipping.

When you forgive, you do not let those who wrong you get away with anything but rather let yourself get away from everything. When you forgive, you not only bless them, but you also bless yourself. When you forgive, you trade the haunting of unholy spirits for the healing of the Holy Spirit.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Forgiveness Disarms the Demonic

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2 Corinthians 2:5-11 – Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

Acts 7:59-60 – And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

When you choose not to forgive, you are choosing to welcome the demonic into your life.

The Bible often speaks of unforgiveness and the demonic together. Many of those sections are written by Paul, who previously worked for the devil, persecuting Christians and murdering the early church leader Stephen. While dying, Stephen echoed Jesus and prayed for his murderers, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”

Stephen’s prayer was answered. Paul was saved, forgiven of his debt to God by Jesus Christ, and he stopped serving Satan and started serving his Savior by preaching forgiveness.

Who has caused you pain? The Holy Spirit through Paul teaches that when we are hurt, Satan seeks access to us, our family, and our church family.

Is there anyone you have not fully forgiven from the heart? How has the demonic used your hurt to cause you more hurt?

Consider for a moment what the complete record of all your sins would be. Don’t overlook any thought you have had, deed you have done, word you have said, or motive you have hidden. Also recount your sins of omission, where you have failed to do right. How many pages long would all of the debts from your life be?

Now, believe by faith that when the soldiers drove the nails into Jesus’ hands and feet, they were in the spirit realm also nailing the record of your sinful debts to the cross. How did Jesus defeat and disarm the demonic? By paying the price of death for your debt to God to be forgiven.

To defeat and disarm the demonic, you must forgive as you have been forgiven.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series  from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Demons Transport Bitterness

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James 3:14-15 – But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

Matthew 18:23-28 – Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.” And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, “Pay what you owe.”

Bitterness, or unforgiveness, is a vehicle by which demonic forces travel into your life and relationships.

Hell is the place of unforgiveness; when you do not forgive, you are pulling hell up into your life. Heaven is the place of forgiveness; when you forgive, you are inviting heaven down into your life.

The parable of the unforgiving servant is a picture of the gospel of forgiveness. This is how Jesus treats us.

But the man forgiven of a great debt confronts another man who owes him a much smaller debt. Rather than forgiving the man in the same way he had been forgiven, Jesus says he seized the man and “began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him. The forgiven man refused and put him in prison.

The image of the jailer in Jesus’ teaching is Satan and the demonic realm. Satan and his demons condemn you, haunt you, and torment you. They encourage you to respond to your hurt by hurting others and to your torment by tormenting others. God creates forgiveness, and Satan counterfeits it with bitterness.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series  from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Forgiveness Is a Gift to Share

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Colossians 3:12-17 – Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Not only are you a sinner, but you are also a victim of sinners. Just as you have done evil that pains God, others have done evil that pains you. Who owes you? Who has done the greatest damage, caused the deepest pain, and left the ugliest scar?

Forgiveness is not only a gift we receive from God but also a gift God requires us to share. Forgiven people should be forgiving people.

When you forgive someone, you treat your enemy as God treated you when you were His enemy. When you forgive someone, you leave the matter in God’s hands and move on with your life. Forgiveness does not require trust; forgiveness is free, but trust is earned. Neither does forgiveness require reconciling the relationship. Forgiving is the first step in blessing someone. In fact, blessing your enemy is the test of whether you have actually forgiven them, as Jesus says, “from your heart.” Until you can in some way bless them, you have not truly forgiven them. Why? Because God has not only forgiven you but also blessed you, and how you treat others should reflect, or glorify, how God in Christ has treated you.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series  from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

Jesus Paid Our Debt

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Romans 6:19-23 – I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification. For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Mark 10:45 – For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

God is the biggest victim in all of history. Everyone has sinned against God, and God has sinned against no one. Rather than making us pay, God sent His Son Jesus Christ to pay our debt to God. This was necessary because the debt (or wage) owed to God for sin is payable only by death. The Bible uses the term ransom to explain our spiritual debt to God.

Most religions have some concept of human failure and a debt to be paid. This is because God made us with a conscience, and even if we do not know how good God is, we do know how bad we are. In basically every religion except Christianity you have to pay back your debt. Hinduism teaches that you need to reincarnate and suffer to pay off your debt to karma. In Islam, your good works need to outweigh your bad works so that you can pay off your debt to God.

The only person who has ever walked the earth that has never sinned or accrued any spiritual debt is Jesus Christ. He lived a life we have not lived, died the death we should have died, and paid the price we could not pay.

If you belong to Jesus Christ, you are totally, completely, and eternally forgiven for all of your sin in the past, present, and future. Jesus paid the highest price for you and forgives your debt to God as a free gift called grace.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series  from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.

The Opposite of Love

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Luke 11:4 – …and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.

Romans 12:17-21 – Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Unforgiveness is the opposite of love. When we keep a record of wrongs, we are acting as an accountant and keeping score of the spiritual debt others have accrued to us. This is why unforgiving people say things such as, “They owe me,” “I will make them pay,” and “I will get even.”

Jesus teaches us that when we forgive someone, we are canceling whatever debt they owe us. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us to pray, “forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Perhaps teaching it on a different occasion, Jesus makes a slight modification: “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” Did you catch the difference? Jesus uses the words “debts” and “sins” synonymously.

If you make someone pay, that is vengeance. Vengeance is something that we need to trust God for and not take into our own hands. God said, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.”

If you absorb the loss and pay for them, that is forgiveness. In forgiving someone, you choose not to sit as a judge and render a sentence on someone else. Instead you are sending that case to God’s higher court, which will result in them either being sentenced to the eternal debtors’ prison of hell or having their debt paid by Jesus on the cross.

To order the new book from Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll “Win Your War”, visit: https://amzn.to/2YuhoDn.

For the entire eight-week “Win Your War” sermon series  from Pastor Mark, visit www.markdriscoll.org or the Mark Driscoll Ministries app.