Motherhood

4 Kinds of Kids

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Proverbs 20:5 [NIV] – The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.
Parents, along with other caregivers, commonly focus on behavior for the simple reason that it is visible. Under the behavior is the heart we cannot see guiding the decision-making process. When a parent focuses only on behavior, they miss the problem and misdiagnose the solution. There are, in fact, four kinds of kids:
1. Bad heart bad behavior. This is the kid who walks up to another kid, assaults them, and steals their toy for the simple reason that they are a tiny terrorist.
2. Bad heart good behavior. This is the kid who pretends to be obedient and compliant not because they love God, but because it benefits them and is therefore a form of manipulation to get what they want.
3. Good heart bad behavior. This is the kid who meant well but messed up. These kids get really discouraged when they are disciplined for something that was a mistake without malice, like spilling a drink they were trying to retain hold of.
4. Good heart good behavior. Only Mary and Joseph had this kind of kid continually, but it is possible for little people to be godly people some of the time. This includes the kid who, when they do wrong, is sensitive to the Holy Spirit and confesses their bad behavior, which reveals their good heart.
Which of these four best explains you as a kid?

Mom and Dad, Is Your Heart Ready to Deal with Your Kids’ Heart?

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Proverbs 4:23 [NIV] – Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Many years ago, I took a missions trip to India. Upon landing in the city, we began the long drive out to a more remote village for a pastors’ conference. The road we traveled upon for part of the journey winded along the dirtiest, foulest, and nastiest river I had ever seen. The river was polluted upstream, and human excrement, animal feces, and industrial chemicals flowed downstream causing sickness and stench for everyone and everything downstream.
According to the Bible, your heart is upstream and your life is downstream.
How’s your heart today?

Often, we are more aware of our outer life (weight, appearance, clothing) than we are our inner life. Some roughly nine-hundred times the Bible refers to the heart. The heart includes the emotions we feel, desires we have, and decisions we make.
Perhaps nothing more forcefully reveals our hearts more than parenting. As a parent, one of the great diagnostic tools of the heart according to the Lord Jesus is our communication (Matthew 12:34, 15:18). If a parent or other caregiver is cursing, yelling, name calling, or bending ongoing conflicts into an argument of how the child is making them look bad to other adults, then you know that the heart needs some Holy Spirit heart surgery. Our kids expose and even enrage our hearts, and when they do, we need to bring our heart to our Father so that He can parent us before we parent our child. Parenting is sanctifying if you surrender to this fact. We are God’s child before we are the parent to our child.
Once our heart is right, we can then engage the heart of our child. And, for starters every child needs a new heart. As a Christian with a new nature we can forget that our kids need Jesus too, and that apart from being born again of the Spirit, all they have is a fallen heart. Therefore, the first priority is for the parent to bring their heart to God. And, the second priority is for the parent to teach their child to also bring their heart to God.
If you had to pick one word to describe your heart today, what would that be?

What is the Center and Priority of Your Family?

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Proverbs 1:2-7 [NLT] – Their purpose [Proverbs] is to teach people wisdom and discipline, to help them understand the insights of the wise. Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young. Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance by exploring the meaning in these proverbs and parables, the words of the wise and their riddles. Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
Just like our planet orbits around the sun, every family system has a center that determines what is priority for the family. If the center is school, then the priority becomes grades. If the center is sports, then the priority becomes winning at all costs. If the center is making money, then working becomes the priority. If the center is fear, then control is the priority. If comfort is the center, then being left alone is the priority.

For the believing family, the center should be God, and the priority of the family should be to see each family member grow in wisdom. No matter how a child is educated, they should be homeschooled – learning wisdom at home.
Our culture values knowledge, whereas the Bible sees knowledge as the means to wisdom which is the higher priority. Here are some distinctions between knowledge and wisdom:
1. Knowledge is knowing the truth; wisdom is knowing that to do with it.
2. Knowledge it theoretical; wisdom is practical.
3. Knowledge fills your mind; wisdom guides your life.
4. Knowledge is truthful; wisdom is useful.
5. Knowledge provides information; wisdom provides transformation.
6. Knowledge tells you what to believe; wisdom tells you how to behave.
In summary, you can have knowledge without wisdom, but you cannot have wisdom without knowledge. Knowledge will get you good grades, but wisdom will get you a good life. So, where do you find wisdom? Here are some areas where you can find wisdom:
1. Scripture
2. Prayer
3. The Holy Spirit
4. General revelation
5. Wise counsel
6. Your experience
7. Their experience (or what a friend calls “letting other people pay your dumb tax so that you learn by learning from their mistakes”)
Where do you go to get wisdom?

Why Some Parents Cheer and Other Parents Cry on the First Day of School

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When our five kids were little, the first day of school was always traumatic…for their mom and me. We would walk the kids into their classroom, get them all set up, and then go sit in the car and weep. Meanwhile, the kids were fine.

I was recently out running errands and overheard a curious conversation regarding the starting of school this week. One parent said, “I’m so glad summer is over. I hate having the kids around all the time”. In response, another parent said, “Really, I love having the kids around all the time and get sad when school starts”

Some parents endure their kids. Some parents enjoy their kids.

Making matters worse, the parents were having this conversation in front of their children. Some of the kids heard that they were a blessing, while the other kids heard that they were a burden.

God wants His people to enjoy their kids. Psalm 127:3 [NASB] says, “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord”. In an age where birth control and abortion are considered preferable to boys and girls, we need to remind ourselves that life, especially little life, is a blessed gift from God. And, the point of any gift is that the giver of the gift wants the recipient of the gift to enjoy the gift. If you are a parent, this means that your child is a gift from God for you to enjoy.

Did you feel like your parents enjoyed you as a kid?

How do I parent with grace?

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At Trinity Trinity Church, we have been working through the book of Galatians. And to my surprise, there has been a consistent theme of parenting and family throughout! A frequent question I have been receiving is how do we raise kids with grace, in a way that won’t lead to rebellious or religious kids?

Have a question you’d like answered? Email it to [email protected] today.

What are your tips for Parenting Teens?

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Teenage years can be troubling. But rules without relationship are impossible!

In today’s Ask Pastor Mark, I’ll talk about the importance of sowing into your relationship so you can reap from them in the later years and I will cover the myth of adolescence.

And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today.

Should we let our kids stay with Non-Christians to evangelize them?

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Every Christian parent will, at some point, have a non-Christian family invite their child to stay the night? Do you send your kid to evangelize, or say no to protect them?

In today’s Ask Pastor Mark, I tell a story from my youth and explain how parent’s priority needs to be their child’s safety before family ministry.

And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today.

How should 16 year-old Christian Kids date?

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When your teenage daughter wants to date a Christian boy, what should you do? As a teen who got this wrong, and a parent of teens hoping to help them get this right, here’s my thoughts on how to use this opportunity to build the relationship with your teenager.

And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today!

Should we have more children?

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Children are a blessing. When should a married couple consider starting a family or growing an even larger family? Should everyone have a “Fab Five” like myself and Grace?

Watch as I share how to navigate starting and growing your family with your spouse.

And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today!

How can I discipline very rebellious children without portraying an evil person?

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Some children are very rebellious. How should one navigate disciplining them? You don’t want to be the “Bad Guy” but you also don’t want your child to run the house.

Watch as Grace and I share how to be patient godly parents, keeping in mind the goal is never to punish them, but to correct them.

And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today!

Want to help your kids grow?

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Parenting – especially when you’re a Christian – is a big responsibility.

Not only do you have to get your kids through the day alive and in one piece, but you also want to help them know and love Jesus. In fact, that’s your most important job as a parent!

So check out some tips from Grace and me and learn how you can nurture your kids spiritually, and help them to grow in their faith this year.

Should you treat your kids as Christians if they’re not?

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As a Christian parent, you want your kids to come to a faith of their own – and not rely on yours.

So should you treat them as Christians before they are? How do you encourage them to grow their own relationship with Jesus?

Watch as Pastor Mark and Grace share some tips – and explain why sometimes the boring testimonies are the best ones!