This special edition of “Ask Pastor Mark” with his wife Grace gives some resources that are helpful for marriages, especially in this crazy, unknown time.
Have a question you’d like answered in a potential future Ask Pastor Mark video? Send an email to [email protected].
If you feel like you and your husband or wife had an understanding on a certain topic prior to marriage then they seemingly “flipped the switch” once you got married, how should you handle it?
Have a question you’d like answered in a potential future Ask Pastor Mark video? Send an email to [email protected].
Do you want to have a great marriage that lasts? In this sermon based in the book of Proverbs, Pastor Mark gives four keys – faith, forgiveness, friendship, and fun – to have a great, Christ-centered marriage that you can enjoy for a lifetime.
This week’s question is from this month’s exclusive Marriage Content: “Pray together, play together, and lay together so you can stay together!” With busy schedules, how do you make sure to find time to connect with your spouse?
Watch Pastor Mark and Grace team up to explain the difference between Shoulder to Shoulder relationships, Back to Back relationships, and Face to Face relationships.
In our six-week study of the Old Testament book of Malachi, the subject of divorce is the focus of chapter 2. Most anytime this subject arises, there are numerous questions that people have, including the reasons divorce is permitted according to the Bible. This subject is one of the most debated and complicated in all of Scripture, largely because of the complex nature of the marriage relationship and great emotions surrounding the family. Here are four scenarios, or grounds, for a possible divorce according to the Bible:
1. Death
Romans 7:2: “a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage”.
1 Corinthians 7:39: “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”
2. Abandonment
1 Corinthians 7:15: “if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved”.
3. Adultery and Sexual Immorality
Deuteronomy 22:22: “If a man is found lying with the wife of another man, both of them shall die.” (Old Covenant)
Matthew 5:32: “everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality…” (New Covenant)
Matthew 19:9: “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery”. (New Covenant)
4. Hardness of heart
Mark 10:5-9: “They said, ‘Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’”
The categories are in order from easiest to the most difficult to evaluate. If someone is no longer alive, obviously the marriage has ended. If someone has abandoned the marriage (e.g. moved far away in an effort to disappear and not have any relationship or is serving a life sentence in prison) then it is impossible to have a marital relationship. Sexual immorality, including adultery, is sometimes obvious but often hidden and secret sin. Lastly, hardness of heart is admittedly a judgment call. But, people with an ongoing hard heart against God and their spouse do some very awful and painful things that make the relationship unhealthy, unsafe, and unlivable. After a few decades of ministry as a senior pastor, I have walked with people through the unimaginable and won’t repeat these things because they are unspeakable.
Admittedly, this subject is so important that it cannot be fully addressed in a brief daily devotion. But, as a pastor who loves folks, here are some practical recommendations:
Your heart is wrong if you are actively seeking to meet some criteria. If you are trying to figure out the grounds for divorce so that you can get your relationship to qualify, then you have a heart problem.
You do not have to divorce even if you have grounds to. Couples can and do forgive one another, work through a process of healing with a pastor or counselor, and some make it through from awful times to wonderful times.
You cannot make this decision in isolation. The issue of divorce is so complicated, especially where children are involved, that discreet wise counsel needs to be invited in. These people cannot be friends and family who take your side, but godly people seeking to help everyone involved find God’s side (such as professional counselors or godly pastors).
You cannot make this decision in haste. In anger or hurt, we can make a short-term decision that we later regret.
You cannot make this decision in lust. If you have an emotional and/or physical relationship with someone other than your spouse and your motivation for the divorce is to move on to another person, then your reasoning and motives are polluted, which will keep you from walking in God’s will.
It is unfair, unjust, and unhealthy to make only one person in the marriage obey biblical commands. Through the Bible, God repeatedly speaks to both husbands and wives about their roles and responsibilities. Subsequently, both husbands and wives should be lovingly encouraged to obey God and trust Him for the outcome of their relationship.
Malachi 2:15-17: “Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. ‘For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.’ You have wearied the Lord with your words. But you say, ‘How have we wearied him?’ By saying, ‘Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and he delights in them.’ Or by asking, ‘Where is the God of justice?’”
God is a Father and His people are a family. Because He cares about His kids and grandkids in every generation, our Father has a lot to say about marriage and divorce. At the end of the Old Testament, we find the little book of Malachi which gives final instructions to the family of God. His instructions are insightful for single people, married couples, children of divorced families and divorcees.
For single people, the reality is that at some point you will most likely marry. Statistically, nine out of 10 people marry at some point in their life. Who you marry is the second most important decision you will ever make following who you will worship as your God. Who you marry in large part determines what your life will be like, what kind of home your children will grow up in, and what generations of your legacy will experience long after you are gone.
For married couples, the key to marriage is for both the husband and wife to have a healthy, loving, and growing relationship with the Lord. If that happens, God will give love, forgiveness, patience and more to each spouse to share with each other as gifts from the Lord. Long before a couple falls out of love, they fall out of the pattern of apologizing and forgiving when they are wronged. When this pattern is practiced, the marriage endures because the issues they face are never considered as important as the relationship they share. When issues are more important than the relationship, eventually an issue ruins the relationship. But, when the relationship is more important than the issues, issues are overcome for the sake of the relationship.
For children of divorced families, in Malachi we find the Father heart of God comforting and helping those who have endured what you have endured. The key is not to blame God for decisions that were contrary to God. Instead, we must have faith in God, forgive our folks, and find lessons we can learn to help us heal up and have healthier relationships in our future than our folks had in our past.
For those who are divorced, the verse in Malachi 2:16 is sometimes translated, “I hate divorce, says the Lord” (NASB). What this does not say is that God hates the divorcee, because He does not. But, God does hate the pain that divorce causes everyone involved, just like those involved hate the complex grief that it brings. Lastly, God will not divorce you. The God of the Bible will never give up on seeking a loving relationship with you, no matter what you do, or what is done by others to you. His is the one relationship that you can always count on.
Are you confident in God’s love and commitment to a relationship with you?
Malachi 2:11b-14: “Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god. May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob any descendant of the man who does this, who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts! And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
In the final chapters of the Old Testament, to prepare His people for the coming of Jesus at the first Christmas, God the Father calls a family meeting of sorts and speaks to them about their marriages. We tend to think in very short timelines like weeks, months, or years. But God tends to think in very long timelines like decades, hundreds of years, or millennia. The problem in Malachi’s day that continues into our day is that men thought only about having a good time rather than leaving a good legacy.
The result? Marriages were a mess. Some believing men married unbelieving women. Other believing men who were married to believing women ran off with unbelieving women. And still, other believing men married an unbelieving woman but were unhappy and wanted out of their marriage…perhaps because once children entered the picture, the men realized their kids would grow up to be unbelievers like their mothers.
Most problems start with pants. Once a man can get dominion over his drawers, a long list of cultural problems simply subsides. Knowing this, God reminds us that His intent for marriage is that it be covenantal and not contractual.
As a Father teaching His wayward sons in Malachi, a vital lesson can be learned. How you relate to your wife is not a business arrangement where she is an employee who gets fired if you think you can find someone else to do the job better. As men, we are to treat our wives as God treats us – with relational love, forgiveness, patience, and devotion.
What’s the next step if you are walking with Jesus, but your spouse is walking away from Jesus?
And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today!
Someone commits adultery and then ask God for forgiveness after repenting for what they have done. However, they do not tell their spouse about the incident. Is this true repentance? Unfortunately, this hypothetical question is a painful reality for some couples.
This week, I take a deep dive into adultery, marriage, and true repentance.
And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today!
Every married couple has seasons where they end up stuck in a ditch. That isn’t unusual or uncommon and is merrily part of the process of two sinners becoming one mess. The question is then, how do you get out of your ditch?
Watch as I share a list of basic questions to go over with your spouse to help you become one, as well as some simple steps to add into your weekly routine.
And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today!
We tend to build up walls because of past hurts, barring those who want to grow closer to us in relationship from doing so. In the context of marriage- how can a husband help his wife tear down those walls?
Watch as Grace and I share our own experience and how you can do the same.
And if you have a question you’d like answered, email it to [email protected] today!
Ideally, your spouse is one of your closest prayer partners – someone who loves you and knows you intimately. And praying together is one of the best ways to deepen your spiritual connection.
But when past hurt means your spouse doesn’t want to pray with you, how do you establish trust and move toward a healthy prayer life?
Watch as Grace and I share some tips on how to overcome hurt and start moving toward a place of healthy, prayerful connection.