Emotional Health

The poor woman had been in a loveless and lifeless marriage for many years. She came to church, her husband did not. She loved the Lord, her husband did not. She wanted children, her husband did not. And, she remained faithful and her husband did not.
Knowing that her husband also had a few girlfriends he was also intimate with, this woman came in to the church office seeking some sort of advice on what to do. When talking about why it was happening and what she was going to do in response, she said, “I should have never married a non-Christian and so I need to stay with him because it’s God’s way of punishing me for marrying him.”
My heart sank. This poor woman had believed powerful lies about God and herself. Jesus spoke about the freeing power of the truth, and she needed this desperately. Proverbs 14:25 [ESV] says, “A truthful witness saves lives, but one who breathes out lies is deceitful.”
Every life, including yours, is filled with our interpretation of what is happening, and decision making regarding our response. Wisdom brings us to the truth which is reality. Folly and evil bring us to lies, which deceive us.
When we are hurting, two things can happen. One, we are more likely to get any advice we can. Two, lots of people give us their advice. This is often a bad thing. Why? Because we do not need a lot of counsel, but instead wise counsel. A family member, friend, or coworker whose life is a mess (even if well-intended) is as helpful as a winter coat during the Arizona summer where I live.
When hurt, Satan sends evil spirits and human beings to lie to you. Also, foolish people wander in to spout their opinion, which is unhelpful. These are forms of false witness because they are not testifying to the truth of reality as Proverbs 12:17 [ESV] says, “Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit.” Importantly, this includes you. The loudest voice in your life might be your own so watch what you tell yourself.
Who are the loudest voices in your life currently? Are they helping you find reality and respond wisely?

Most Bible teaching focuses on what you have done wrong and what Jesus did to help you have a new beginning and make it right. But, what do you do when you are not the one who has sinned, but are the one who has been sinned against?
For starters, we need to deal with reality and accept when we are feeling defeated and down. Proverbs 14:10 [ESV] says, “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.” When we are sinned against and hurt, the response of our sinful flesh is to choose bitterness. Bitterness will overtake your entire life, continually pushing out your joy and the ability of others to enjoy life with you. How do you know you are bitter? Signs like reliving and retelling your suffering story is a clue.
One strong temptation when we have been sinned against is to return evil for evil, seeking vengeance rather than trusting the Lord to avenge. Proverbs 23:17 [ESV] warns, “Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.” When someone sins against you, the key it to respond to God and not to them.
How do you know that you have worked through a forgiveness process? Jesus taught us to not only forgive others, but also bless even enemies. Proverbs 24:17 [ESV] says, “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles…” You have sinned and God has sought good for you, and when you seek good for someone who has sinned against you, you are acting godly.
What forgiveness is not:
1. Forgiveness is often a private matter between only you and God that does not involve the other person.
2. Forgiveness is both a one-time event and an ongoing process. Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22)
3. Forgiveness is not enabling crime, foolishness, irresponsibility, or sin. You can call the cops, not feel bad for refusing to fund their folly or take on their responsibilities, thereby enabling them to be irresponsible.
4. Forgiveness is not trust or reconciliation. Forgiveness is free in an instant. Trust is earned, and reconciliation is trust earned over time.
5. Your forgiveness is not God’s forgiveness. If the person does not turn from sin and trust in Jesus Christ, their eternity will be one of unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is:
1. Responding to Jesus instead of the hurt. Forgiven people should forgive people.
2. Transferring the burden to God so you don’t keep carrying it.
3. Stopping trying to control people and outcomes and let things unfold according to God’s plan.
4. Letting go of both the sin and the stress so that you can heal spiritually, emotionally, and physically and start to heal from the hurt.
Who has sinned against you? How are you responding?

You have a pain threshold. There is a limit to the physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional duress you can endure and remain healthy. You can feel when you have hit your limit. When this happens, it is wise to start by asking if the hurt is in any way, or to any degree, caused by your sin.
No one is perfect. We all have faults flaws and failures. Proverbs 20:9 [NIV] says it perfectly, “Who can say, ‘I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin’?” The answer to that question is obviously only Jesus Christ, and the rest of us need to examine our life to see if there is any wrong pattern of thinking and acting.
Sometimes we were foolish and just messed up. Other times, we are evil and chose rebellion to spite God. Proverbs 19:3 [ESV] says, “When a man’s folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the Lord.” Did you catch this fact? A hurting man blames God rather than owning sin.
If we are honest, we all wind up walking or running down the wrong path. When this happens, God provides this gracious opportunity according to Proverbs 14:16 [ESV], “One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless.”
Turning away from evil and toward the Lord’s wisdom is repentance. Repentance includes the thoughts in your heart, feelings in your heart, and decisions of your hands.
Is there any sin in your life that is contributing to your hurting? What exactly do you need to do to turn away from evil?

Proverbs 27:9 [NLT] – The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.
Life hurts. Financially, emotionally spiritually, and physically, life finds a way of shooting torpedoes into the hull of your life.
Our family had such a season some years ago. Thankfully, some godly older wise counsel helped us walk through a healing process. Each had a unique insight and way of being a burden lifter.
Through it all, we discovered something I call the “hurt cycle”. Here’s how it works. One, we experience some form of hurt. Two, we then interpret why it happened. Three, we then determine our response. Two people can undergo the same hurt but respond very differently and plot a very different future depending upon how they interpret what happened and decide what to do.
Evil people use their hurt as an excuse to justify hurting others so that hurt is multiplied. Foolish people ignore their hurt, shift any blame they bear to others, make excuses, and live a life of deferred maintenance, neglecting the upkeep of their soul, spelling doom for the future. Wise people seek God and godly wise counsel.
If you are seeking wise counsel or serving as wise counsel for someone who is hurting, here are some things that will be healing, helpful, and hopeful.
1. Rather than doing all the talking, wise counsel listens to a hurt person to uncover what happened, why, and how they are responding.
2. You know you’ve hit a hurt when someone overreacts to an immediate situation which has multiplied the pain of a past hurt.
3. Wise counsel is knowing which truth applies to each person and their situation without using the same solution for every problem.
Just like a doctor can do great harm to the body by prescribing the wrong medication, so too we can add to someone’s hurt and harm their soul if we are not careful. One example is the story of a man named Job. He was a godly man whose life quickly cratered into a pit of death, pain, and poverty. Job had some friends who were anything other than wise counsel. They wrongly decided that God was punishing Job for his sin, and that he needed to repent of secret sin in his life. But the truth was that Job was under severe demonic attack. In the next series of daily devotions, we will examine in detail how to heal from a hurt and help others do the same.
Who is wise counsel in your life?